Losing a pet is difficult for everyone. Our four legged friends are very much part of the family. For children this is often a new experience that they have never had to face before and may not fully understand what has happened. As a parent our initial reaction might be to distract or shield them from experiencing the sharpness of the sting. We might try to assuage the raw emotion and placate or distract our child from having to face the harsh reality of death. Our impulses to protect our child, although well intentioned, may not be in their best interest.
Here are some tips that I found on how to help a child deal with the loss of a pet:
- Be honest and open: It’s important to be honest with children about what has happened. Explain that the pet has passed away and won’t be coming back. It’s important to use clear language that the child can understand. Avoid using euphemisms like “put to sleep” which can be confusing and scary for young children.
- Validate their feelings: Let your child know that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. Encourage them to express their emotions and listen to what they have to say. Let them know that you are there for them and that you understand how they feel.
- Create a memorial: Creating a memorial for the pet can be a helpful way for children to process their grief. You can make a scrapbook or photo album, plant a tree or flowers in their memory, or create a special art project together. Help your child design a headstone if you are burying your pet.
- Talk about happy memories: Encourage your child to talk about happy memories they have of their pet. Share your own memories and stories. This can help them focus on the positive aspects of their relationship with their pet.
- Print pictures of your pet and frame them for your child or ask your child to help you make a collage of their favorite photos.
- Be patient: Grief is a process that takes time. Be patient with your child and allow them to grieve in their own way and let them know that you are there to support them.
Our family bunny, Fern, passed about a week ago. She was a 7 ½ years old, indoor/outdoor bunny. By the way, I don’t recommend having a bunny for a pet. More on that topic later. She was very much loved by all of us and we had seen her aging for quite some time. A few days before she passed, we noticed some significant neurological signs that she was living on borrowed time. We warned the kids that she didn’t have much time left and encouraged them to say their goodbyes while they still could. It was dusk and I asked my 11 year old son to bring her inside. One of his chores was to bring Fern inside everyday at dusk to make sure no critters got to her. I heard him scream and he came running in crying that Fern had died. I ran outside and found Fern sprawled out on the cement, looking very much dead. I grabbed a towel and wrapped her up. To all of our surprise she was not dead but on her way out with only a few minutes of life left. Her breathing was agonal and we sang to her and held her as she passed. We continued to hold her for another hour, after her last breath, and we prayed over her small, failed body. Two of my children were hysterical and one appeared to be un-phased and nonchalant.
As the protective mother that I am, I immediately went into research mode to find out how to best support my children. They had never experienced a death. We talked about the natural life cycle of all living things. I suggested that perhaps God made pets’ life spans shorter than ours to help teach us to appreciate each other and to make the most out of the time we have. We talked about how she is now free of her failed body, and carefreely running through the fields of heaven in a new body, with God smiling down on her. We discussed seeing her again in heaven one day and imagined how joyful it will be.
We buried her the next day in our backyard under her favorite bush. My kids designed a beautiful headstone from a stepping stone they had made years earlier. We looked at pictures of her and shared favorite memories.
It has been a week and two of them are still struggling with loss and the other one appears not to be affected. I am here and I am available and that is all I can be.